Tag Archives for " kids "

The Perfect Job?

I got this from my wife, who got it from her “Mommy group.” If this is not foreshadowing, I don’t know what is!

JOB DESCRIPTION

  • Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
  • Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
  • Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
  • Travel expenses not reimbursed.
  • Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES

  • The rest of your life.
  • Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
  • Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
  • Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
  • Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
  • Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
  • Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
  • Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
  • Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
  • Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
  • Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
  • Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION

  • None.
  • Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE

  • None required unfortunately.
  • On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION

  • Get this! You pay them!
  • Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
  • A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
  • When you die, you give them whatever is left.
  • The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
  • BENEFITS

  • While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

POSITION

  • Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
  • Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

Broke Piggy and the Difference Between an ESA and a 529

Here’s a post to a story about the differences between an Education Savings Account and a 529 plan from Broke Piggy.

The highlights:

  • Contribution Limits – With an ESA, you are only allowed to contribute up to $2,000 per year.  Most 529 plans do not have contribution limits, but it depends on each state.
  • Usage Of Funds – 529 plans can only be used for college expenses, while ESA funds may be used for elementary or secondary education such as private school.
  • Investment Options – With an ESA, you can invest in just about anything, so you have more control over your money.  A state 529 plan will give you investment options but doesn’t let you choose specifics.  Your investment options with an ESA are the same as what they would be if you were investing in an IRA.
  • Tax Advantages – The tax advantages of an ESA versus a 529 plan are basically the same.  Money withdrawn from either account is tax-free as long as it is used for qualified education expenses.
  • Age Restrictions – Funds within an ESA must be used by the time the beneficiary (the student) turns 30.  There are no age restrictions for 529 plans.

Read the entire post here — What’s An ESA And How Is It Different Than A 529 Plan? | Broke Piggy

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